The Griner Trade

A Few Quick Thoughts About the Prisoner Exchange and Brittney Griner

(Thursday) Today has been marked by a serially-steady stream of digital riots. Humans angry with the international exchange of two humans has sparked outrage amongst humans all across Twitter, which is part-human and part-bot. The exchange featured one American human traded for one Russian human.

One human is a professional basketball player. The other is nicknamed "The Merchant of Death".

Twitter is ablaze with these two simple facts. 

WHAT ABOUT PAUL WHALEN?!? they cry from the tweet threads.

Paul Whalen is a retired US Marine stuck in a Russian penal colony for the past four years. Following news of Griner’s release, he told CNN he was disappointed more hasn’t been done to secure his own release.

The basketball player, Brittney Griner, was accused of "forgetting I placed two little bitty vials of cannabis oil in my luggage. Oopsies, right? What? No? NINE FUCKING YEARS IN PRISON FOR THIS SHIT!? WHAT THE FUCK!?"

True story, BTW. Probably.

Brittney Griner was caught at a Moscow airport with a teeny, tiny amount of cannabis oil. Russia, a country which imprisons people for possessing a mere 1/4 of an ounce, did not take kindly to Griner’s mistake.

So the amount of cannabis she had in her luggage was less than one gram. I dunno about you but that's like, a half of a decent dab or vape. Or maybe it lights up a room? I don't vape. I don't touch the stuff. I much prefer flower. So, I dunno, but less than a gram of anything hardly sounds like much of something, and sure ain't anywhere near a quarter of an ounce of flower.

There are little more than 28 grams in an ounce. In Russia, you go to prison if you’re caught with less than a quarter ounce. Think of removing and buying one can from a six-pack of beer. That's what a 7 grams or 1/4 ounce is kinda like.

Anyway, Griner had apparently forgotten she packed the teensy amount of cannabis oil in her luggage. Shit happens was her basic defense in Russian court along with, "Plus! I have a doctor's prescription!" Yeah, except this is Russia we're talking 'bout, where rule of law depends on the despot's demands. Putin was not amused.

Viktor Bout sounds like the kind of name you'd find in a Mafia-styled video game. An arms dealer, the Russian has links to wars and war crimes around the globe. He's a terrorist given his background. In any case, Bout doesn't appear to be the sort of person you'd want to move into your 'hood, know what I'm sayin'? 

So, the digital rioting is happening because humans are offended that President Biden and Blue Humans are celebrating, "a black lesbian woman is coming home!" These details do not rescind the fact Griner is a human. Griner’s crime is a victimless crime. That alone is reason enough to demand Griner’s release from prison.

Griner doesn't appear to have harmed a fly whilst Bout looks like he could start a civil war just by glaring at someone smoking a cannabis joint. Bout has apparently conspired to harm Americans around the globe, and releasing him to Russia rightfully has American humans worried.

Is this a fair trade? is a question underlying the digital rioting. Some analysts suggest a two-fer-one deal should've been taken by the US: Griner + Whalen for Merchant of Death. Seems fair. Others opine Griner coming home is a welcome first step regardless of Bout’s reputation and the seeming abandonment of Paul Whalen.

Alas, alas, this is only the kind of trade in which one human is traded for one human. The value of each human depends in large part how valuable each is in terms of political leverage. Griner is a popular figure in large part because she is a professional basketball player. Her imprisonment became a controversial issue as her case became involved with international political affairs.

Meanwhile, Bout is a well-known criminal figure more known elsewhere around the world than here in the US. A Manhattan judge sentenced Bout to 25 years in prison for “conspiring to kill Americans” and “provide material support to a terrorist organization.”

That leaves us with Whalen. What about Paul Whalen? The Biden Administration is basically saying, "We tried. It was a no-go. NOW LET’S CELEBRATE WHAT WE DID!”

To their credit, Blue Humans have been raising a great point during the digital riots: No human should be imprisoned for cannabis. That's a great point! The question is now whether or not the Biden Administration will provide blanket pardons for all Americans convicted of nonviolent cannabis-related crimes. 

Does the release of an arms dealer signal Blue Humans suddenly embrace supporting the 2nd Amendment? It’s doubtful. Still, questions remain.

Griner’s lucky. Whalen is not. To make the prisoner exchange worthwhile, the onus is on Griner to prove to Americans how grateful she is not to be living in a Russian prison. It could’ve been worse: She could’ve become The Forgotten Human like Paul Whalen.

Hopefully, she can smoke a big fat blunt and talk about Paul Whalen on the Joe Rogan show.

I’d love to see that.

Have yourself a great day. Please take care of your heart, too.